I don’t know how to love, so I like you instead.

With wistful eyes he gazed at her, knowing full well what he had to say, but realizing how little he wanted to say it. She studied him expectantly. She felt different today. Distant. Foreign. Perhaps it was because of the glow of the waning sunset. “Well?” Her inquiring tone did nothing to mask her slowly growing impatience. “What did they say?” “…Two weeks.” A hint of shock flickered across her face. The harsh reality of the reply shattered her hopes and caught her off-guards. She struggled to maintain her composure. “So soon?” She whispered. He nodded slowly, morosely, suffocating with the finality of his confirmation. “So…what now?” She murmured, partly to herself. He took a deep breath. “Thank you. For every-” “Don’t.” She interrupted sharply, turning away from him. “There’s still two weeks. I don’t want to hear that now.” A quiet sniffle betrayed her tears. He felt the urge to wrap his arms around her waist, to pull her into a consoling embrace, but he didn’t. He knew it would only serve to postpone the inevitable. Instead, he patted her shoulder awkwardly.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

She glared at him. She was expecting more, and her disappointment showed.

“Fine without me, huh?”

He grimaced.

Perhaps he should have embraced her; they could have been on their way home, where a filling meal and a night of passion would have awaited them.

But alas, he had made his decision, and it was too late to regret.

“That was not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

They were more than friends, but not quite lovers, merely companions of the night. It would have been easier if they were lovers; he could kiss her and they would have a good laugh about it afterwards. Or at the very least, she wouldn’t have the means of further interrogating him about what was merely an honest mistake. Unfortunately, she wasn’t comfortable with that level of intimacy; she had told him as much, when he had proposed a steadier relationship.

Ah, screw it. He kissed her, catching her off-guards. Her eyes widened, then closed as they immersed themselves in the moment. For a split second, the world stood still. All that mattered, all that existed, was him and her.

A sharp pain interrupted the bliss. He pulled back, tasting blood on his lips. He winced. She was livid, her eyes blazing. Yeah, he probably deserved that. People aren’t usually accommodating when kissed against their wishes. At least she had the grace to allow the kiss to run its course.

“How dare you?!”

At least she’s no longer asking about his blunder.

“And don’t think for a moment that you have gotten out of answering my question. What did you mean?”

He didn’t have much experience with lose-lose scenarios, but at least the kiss was enjoyable.

He rubbed his lips. Traces of scarlet coated his fingers.

“I’m sorry. Not for kissing you. That was quite nice. For sounding like you weren’t important to me.”

He studied her face, as he had so often done at night, after she had fallen asleep in his arms. She wasn’t perfect, but it was her imperfections that accentuated her beauty. She was indignant, but, hearing his sincerity, her features softened and the tips of her ears flushed. She turned away, her hair shielding her face.

“Just…don’t do that again.” She mumbled.

Looking at her attempts to conceal how flustered she was made him realize how much he would miss her. Spurred on by the onset of stabbing loneliness, he nibbled at her neck. She yelped, and immediately covered her mouth in embarrassment.

“Not. In. Public.” She hissed angrily.

“You’re the most important person in my life.” He caressed her cheek gently.

Her expression darkened.

“That’s enough. Let’s go home.” Her tired voice gave no room for protests.

He nodded slowly. Perhaps he had pushed the boundaries a little too far. He sighed. Two weeks left to cherish her, to engrave every aspect of her to memory, and this is how it starts.

“Are you coming?” He looked up. She gazed back at him expectantly, having already begun walking.

“Coming.”

Excerpt #3

“Some days I wonder how we would’ve turned out if I didn’t tell her how I felt. Maybe I could have came to terms with the fact that we were merely meant to be friends. Close friends, perhaps, but just friends.” He took a drag of the cold alpine air. White vapors escaped his mouth and dissipated into the starry night sky. “But I had to, y’know? I’d rather take my chances than berate myself for that which could have been. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have staked our relationship on it, but if I luck out, I’m sure it’ll be worth it.” He laughed dryly, his grin barely visible in the dim light. “It seems like it is as hard, if not harder, on her as it was on me. I don’t blame her; I guess I messed up her plans for the future quite a bit.” He sighed softly and laid back onto the grassy hillside, the blades brushing against his cheeks. “Well, I suppose it’s not too bad of a first time.”

Lewis Carroll – Alice in Wonderland

Filled with desire, I want to be free
Want release from the clutches of my insanity
The further I run, the deeper I sink
Down into this rabbit hole to a world out of sync
White bunny running around the clock
God please tell me how to make this all stop
Eat me, drink me, ate her, drank him
Hey little mousey fancy going for a swim?
Run around aimlessly, trying to get dry
There’s never a winner in this race called life
Growing bigger, getting smaller, cakes and tea
All the frightened animals throwing rocks at me
Hi caterpillar, high caterpillar, smoking atop a shroom
Seeing the truth of everything, heading to his tomb
Pepper soup and sneezes, babies turning into swine
Cat points to a house of madness, can’t blame him for trying
Seen plenty of cats without smiles, never smiles without cats
Hares go crazy in March, all year the guy with the hats
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Nobody knows, no one’s up to the task
A rest-deprived dormouse trying to get a bit of sleep
Left in a hurry, this tea party is as stupid as can be
Flamingos and hedgehogs, white roses painted red
All used as playthings, off with his head!
Can’t execute a Cheshire when he’s only got a grin
Let Her Honor’s pet Gryphon take me for a spin
Mock Turtle’s sad though he’s got no sorrow
Was a real turtle in school, let’s discuss it tomorrow
Cause now it’s time for a strange dancing game
Mock Turtle’s about to sing, let’s leave cause he’s lame
Gryphon dragged me away, a trial’s about to start
Whoever stole the tarts of the Red Queen of Hearts?
The knave was accused, “not I”, said he
The whole trial was orchestrated, “there be no one but ye”
Suddenly started growing again, dormouse was displeased
Called up as a witness, then knocked over the jury
Dismissed from court because I was more than a mile high
Argued with the King and Queen, I refused to comply
“Off with her head”, she said the famous line
I called them a pack of cards, and with a hand, sent them all flying
Opened my eyes to find myself lying on the floor
Closed my eyes again, the madness returns once more

Excerpt #2

“It’s an odd feeling, being reminded of something you shouldn’t have forgotten. It’s not quite guilt, and it’s not quite regret.” He pondered for a moment, his fingers tapping anxiously against the wall. “There is also just a hint of relief, that you’ve found a lost fragment of yourself that you have never realized you were missing.” He shot her a grim smile. “And when it’s something like this, you wonder whether you should have even remembered at all.”

Excerpt #1

“Ah, how I wish I could talk to you and not feel like a bother. Feigning nonchalance when I care and masking my thoughts are painful when I’m bursting at the seams. It’s almost too much to bear.” He blinked away his tears. “Well, I suppose I could bear it a while longer.”

I miss you, more than I’ll ever know.

The wind dances playfully with the falling leaves, twirling them gracefully as they journey towards their death. Their bodies crackle under him as he trudges grudgingly towards a place he knew too well.

The wind tugs gently at his scarf, beckoning him closer to the drop. He sits down, his legs dangling slowly over the edge. He reaches out to the stars above him, so close, yet so far away.

“I knew you’d come back one day.” A familiar voice whispers softly behind him. “I’ve been waiting for so long.”
“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t turn to face the voice. “I brought flowers for you.”
“I saw. You shouldn’t have.” Her chiding betrays her pleasure.
“I thought you’d might like them. Viriona blossoms never wilt.”
“Viriona…” She murmurs. “Such a fitting name for such beautiful flowers.”
The wind traces an icy finger along the sharp contours of his cheek.
“Will you be staying long?” She asks, her voice hopeful.
He takes a deep breath. “No. I’ve stayed too long as it is.”
“I see.” She sighs sadly.
Silence fills the distance between them.
“When will you return?” Her question clung to the last strands of hope.
“I do not know.” His curt reply severs them.
He feels her take a few ginger steps towards him.
“Don’t.”
She freezes.
“Won’t you at least look at me, so that I may see your face before you go?” She pleads.
He closes his eyes. The wind picks up slightly.
“Very well.”
He turns to face the voice. No one met his gaze.
He sighs softly.
“Rest well.”

“I wish you weren’t on the other side.” She whispers, her breath cold on his neck.
“I wish the same, dear. I wish the same.”

Sample #3

A light drizzle shrouded the night sky with a thin, white mist.
The masses getting out from work were undeterred, slowly trudging their way back home.
Home. The word danced at the tip of my tongue, then melted away, leaving a sour aftertaste.
Three steps, and a familiar door greeted me. A door I’ve seen more of than my place’s.
I pushed it aside. A warm draft greeting me, leaving only memories of the cold, wet night.
The bartender glanced over at me, nodding in greeting. I knew him well, that his wife left him for a businessman, that his children didn’t even recognize him any more, that this bar was all that he had left.
I scan the bar. There were familiar faces all around. I look over to my usual spot. There was a difference, a switch from my daily life.
Looking back, perhaps it was luck, perhaps it was fate. She snapped me out of my cycle, by sitting there that day.
She was just a new face. New faces were unusual, but they never stayed long.
I walked up to take a seat next to her. Her tawny eyes stood out from her almost pale skin. Her hair, a dark shade of brown, complemented her eyes almost perfectly.
An empty glass sat on the counter in front of her. She stared into nothingness, ignoring all that was around her.
I tilted my head slightly. A thin, black cashmere sweater veiled the outline of her chest. The jeans stretch taut against her almost athletic legs.
She looked at me, as if noticing my stare.
The bartender set down a glass in front of me. Bourbon, perfect for the weather. I drained it in one.
I felt her stare on me, observing me as I did her. I returned her the favor, glancing back at her.
We looked at each other for a bit. She broke the silence. “Hello.”
Her voice reminded me she wasn’t a specimen; she was human too.
“Hello,” I replied.
She spun her body around, facing me. Her left sleeve was knotted at her shoulder.
She smiled at me, a slight smile, barely noticeable. “So, what do you think?”
A flurry of thoughts circled through my mind.
What does she mean? What could I think?
“How did that happen?” I masked my uncertainty with a question.
She looked at me, as though she understood what I tried to do.
“A woman has her secrets.” She smiled, another ghost of one.
I gestured for the bartender. He raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded at her. He refilled her glass along with mine.
She tilted her head at me, almost playfully. “What are you planning, hmm?” She winked at me.
“Can’t a man buy a beautiful woman a drink?” I down mine almost instantaneously.
She studied me, searching for an ulterior motive. I ignored her stare.
Satisfied, she turned back to the bar, her hand resting on the counter next to her glass.
“I lost my arm in an accident.” She returned to her wistful look.
“For a woman who has secrets, you don’t keep them too well.” My casual comment earned a grin from her.
“Must be the alcohol talking. I’ve had quite a few already.”
She noticed my concern.
“It takes a lot more than beer to get me drunk.” She waved me off.
She drained the glass of bourbon, as if to prove a point.
“Although, I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come along.” She stared straight into my eyes. Her tawny eyes had specks of gold in them. The intensity of her gaze forced me to turn away.
“Really? Why’s that?” The bartender replaced my shot glass with a glass filled with water and a lemon slice. Two shots of bourbon to a chaser of water, as usual. I took a sip.
“People react differently when they realize you’re missing an arm.” Her answer was different from the one I was expecting.
“You should show them more of your right side, then. I have a wonderful view of you right now.” I caught her off-guard with my brazen compliment. I feigned nonchalance, but I was swearing at myself inside.
She glanced away quickly. The tips of her ears, peeking out from beneath her hair, betrayed her blush.
She shook her head and turned back to me, a hint of red still lingering on her cheeks. “Thank you. I will keep that in mind.” I returned to my drink.
Silence took hold of our conversation.
She kept her face expressionless, but I caught her studying me out of the corner of my eye.
“So, what happened?” I echoed my earlier question.
She tensed up slightly. She tapped on the counter nervously.
Another length of silence. I paused for a moment, realizing I didn’t know her name.
I open my mouth to ask, then shut it abruptly. Knowing her name would make this exchange of a story intimate. Intimacy with a stranger is deterring. Not knowing her name served both of our purposes well.
Her fingertips tapped out a rhythm, a rhythm I recognized almost instantly.
“I was a pianist.” She voiced my thoughts.
“Mariage D’Amour, right?” Her fingers were interrupted by my comment, fumbling awkwardly.
“It’s a bad habit. Piano pieces don’t sound right without the chords.”
“But now..” She swings her left sleeve weakly.
“Would you like another drink?” I gestured the bartender to pour her another.
“You’re paying, right?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“Only if I get to hear the rest of your story.” I finish my glass of water.
Her expression turned dark for a moment, but assumed a mask of defeat. A faint smile shadowed her face. “You know, you really are different. The blatant compliments, the lack of respect for privacy, the coercion…"She trailed off.
"I blame the alcohol.” The fingers on my left hand tapped out the chords to her previous melody.
She sighed softly, exasperated, perhaps. “I hope my story was worth your effort.”